Sex and The City-Stupid Ass

Alright before I begin writing I would like you guys to know something. I have actually been have a good life for a while now, you know doing alot of different thing. Being happy. But now I have once again realized that my life is going to suck regardless of what I do. So now here I am on my lap top preparing to complain to you about my life. First tell me why Facebook is like the key to finding idiots. I'm watching this video posted by G G then I go back to my profile and see that some chick wrote on my wall asking for sex advice. Like really, what the hell, just randomly should me and my boyfriend do it? I'm just sitting in front of my computer thinking,"Why is this chick such a dumbass." I mean, I'm not saying it's stupid to ask for sex advice, but not from a thirteen-year-old. The closest i've ever gotten to sex was when I tried to change my tampon in a car and we hit a speed bump. Owwwwch. I hate sex and the city so much. It's like women who have to make daily trips to the Extensive Care Unit. "Could you sew my thumb back on, I can't drink cosmos without it." Really. Stop making God damn movies, you old hos.

Quote of the day.

Kurt: Alright you can't tell Finn that Puck is the father, okay.
Santana: Why would I tell him?
Kurt: Aren't you and Puck dating?
Santana: Kurt, sex is not dating.
Brittany: If it was, me and Santana would be dating.
(Awkward Silence)

-Glee

My F-f-f-f-futer Love-MAP-Really

Alright today I am unusually happy I was yesterday too, but only because I'm in love with nevershoutnever. No I'm serious were gonna get married one day and I'm gonna be Mrs.Christofer Drew Ingle not only does his music make you melt, but he is so gorgeous as well, plus he's from Joplin. I swear one day we'll be together. HUUUUHHH. :D
I can't stop smiling. I mean look at him. Look at that face, but not too hard or I'll cut you bitches. That's my man. No I'm just kidding. No I'm not I will fuck you up. Seriously though I'm lucky to be alive my heart almost exploded while I was looking at pictures of him. I really don't feel like bitching today, but this wouldn't be a normal day if I didn't have something to bitch about....and I do, that's why I'm writing today. First thing, Why do we have MAP. Seems like everyday it get hard, and more boring. Plus Mrs.Slavens. Yeah she can't cook very well, I mean I eat it cause I'm starving in the morning, but truthfully...it taste like some one rolled it in dust then came on it. So yeah don't eat her food. Oh also today we had an assembly I think it might have been the dumbest thing ever, but I'm not sure. I mean it shouldn't have been called Think First, it should've been called People Who Do Dumb Shit Can't Move Their Legs. Get shot in the fucking neck, i'm not sorry for you cause you're a dumbass.

Quote of the Day.

"I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass I'm gonna be able to feel what you had for lunch last week."

-Shane Dawson

Sleep Over

Okay I'm sure you have all been to sleepover at some point in time, but never any like the ones I've been to. I mean there's ding-dong-ditch, truth or dare, no sleep, girly magazines and my personal favorite scary movies. Huh. Last night I went to my best-friends birthday party, first we went to this Chinese restruant called Nikato's. Can I tell you something? I was the only black person there, plus I had to pee really bad and there were only two bathroom stalls and that place was crowded not to mention the Asian guy who was cooking our food kept throwing shrimp into our drinks. Actually I have to admit it wasn't that bad, perfect amount of sweet and sour. Then on the way to Ashlie's....all I can say is damn. Me, Ashlie, Amber, Lacy, and Brandon (The 17 year old driver) cramp into a van for about an hour.

Muriel: Turn the radio back to 96.5
Ashlie: Fuck you son-of-a-bitch
Muriel: Naw, that's your mom's job.
Lacy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
Lacy: Kaleb just texted for Muriel, he said Shut the hell up.
Muriel: Well he's not a fucking Ninja.
Lacy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!
Ashlie: What the hell is Lacy laughing about?
Lacy: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Muriel: Who knows.
(Speed Bumb)
Ashlie: Mothershitter I think I just lost my virginity.
Lacy: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Ashlie: Shut the hell up you skank bitch.
Lacy: Your mom's a skank bitch.
Muriel: Can you get drunk off of Windex?
Amber: Really?
(Picks Windex off the car floor)
Muriel: Let's see.
(Sprays Ashlie in the face)
Ashlie: What the fuck?"
(Reaches in the back-seat to slap Muriel)
Brandon: Stop acting like hoes before I drive us off a cliff.
(Hey Soul Sister comes on the radio)
Everyone: HEY SOUL SISTER I'M THAT MISTER MISTER ON THE RADIO, STEREO. THE WAY YOU MOVE AIN'T FAIR. YOU KNOW!!!
(Song ends)
Muriel: Leave it on this station.
Brandon: Why?
Muriel: There doing the number one count down on 96.5. So telephone might come on next.
Amber: That song is the SSSHHHHIIT!
Muriel: Damn right.
Brandon: I agree.
(Ashlie starts humming telephone)
Muriel: Here it come.
(Sexy Chick comes on the radio.)
Muriel: Awww.

That's pretty much how the drive went then, we were pants-less for the rest of the time. We watched Zombieland. Kick ass movie. Tallahassee was just hot. The we just pretty much threatened eachothers vaginas the rest of the time.
"Shut up before I rip out your clitoris."
Then I got karate chopped. Yeah. Gotta love sleep overs.

Quote of the day.

"Beyonce's smile just makes you melt. Uhhhh."
"....Gay."

-Ashlie Collison sleepover 2010.

Sorry I Couldn't find a good picture for this. Porn kept coming up.

Avatar-Baby Megatron

Have you ever seen the movie Avatar? Well....I watched that and I just have to say what was the point of it, yeah it was romantic, yeah it had great special effects, but some of it didn't even make any sense. Like how come every time the Navi did something their braids had to have some interaction with whatever it was? I wanna ride a horse. Oh shit it's gonna kill me if I don't put my braid in it's ear, see that's what gets me all through that movie they just stuck their braids in everything (Not pun intended.) then during that one scene when Jake and that one chick were "making love" their ponytails like attached to eachother. So like what does that mean? Were their ponytails like....genitals? If so doesn't that mean they pretty much fucked everything in that movie? No wonder that dragon was so pissed off. Hey you know there is this group on Facebook called, MY SISTER SAYS IF I CAN GET 1 MILLION FANS SHE WILL NAME HER BABY MEGATRON. Can I tell you something. I'm apart of that group....well I was until I realized how gay it was, like does this guy not realize that this kid is going to be his nephew, I mean really how bad is Megatrons life gonna suck. Plus the one guys pregnant sister. Dumb Ass that's all I can say. Dumb Ass why would you ever tell someone you would name your kid Megatron under any circumstance? Watch next groups gonna be call, MY SISTER SAYS IF I CAN GET 2 MILLION FAN SHE WILL NAME HER KID OPTUMUS PRIME. Stupid ass.

Quote of the day.

"Why do people get botox? It doesn't even make you look younger it just makes you look paralyzed. Just have a stroke it's cheaper."

-Michael Ian Black

Really...I Thought You Were Gay-Unrelated

You know what I really what get's me? When I spend my whole life thinking someones gay and then I find out they're not. There is such a long list now I'm not even gonna waste my time making inferences anymore. It like you have really good hair, you hang out with boys all the time and on occasion you'll just say,"Girl!" for no damn reason. Your gay...oh wait you're dating my best-friend, seriously what is up with that and it's not just with people at my school (Brian Ray. J.K. I Love Him.) it's with celebrities too.

Ryan Seacrest: You host American Idol, your hair is better than mine and,"You enjoy an occasional mani-peddi." No but your dating Megan Fox. I just don't get it. Really I don't.

Is Tyra Banks on drugs? 'Cause I was watching Americas Next Top Model today and...what the HEELL was she talking about. "You just do radiate inesticitationality, so you are not Americas Next Top Model. (Hair Flip)" That's not even a fucking word I-Wha mmmmmm. You know who else does'nt make sense? Oprah. "The movie Avatar was so amazing because it brought out the part of me that likes to recycle." What?

"Ask me any question?"
"There's a snake on my foot!!!!"
"In question form."
"There's a snake on my foot?"
"Yes."

-Year One

Dedicated to Ashlie Colison, one of the best-friends I have. Love you and Happy Birthday. Party hard tomorrow and give me something to blog about. :D

Happy-Your Videos Suck-I Don't Give A Shit

You know what I was really pissed of until about 3 minutes ago when I got a Big Mac(Yay!) I realized I really never am happy unless i'm making fun of someone, (7/10 on the happy scale) eating something (8/10) or listening to music (10/10) So at school today I was pissed off all day due to M.A.P. and bitches. Then I came home and got reminded how wonderful I am by some spasming drunk lady, so now I'm cool. :)
Why do people always get pissy when you make bad comments on their Youtube videos?
Like know i'm not saying it because,"I'm a dumb whore." I'm saying it because you fucking videos suck, all you did was run in cicles with penis spray painted to your chest. Huh. Today I was look at my Facebook page and I couldn't help but notice how at least one person had something to complain about, it's always something so gay I can't even explain. Like America's Next Top Model, complaining about her boy issues. Like really. I don't give a shit. Get some real problems to complain about, oh wait I still wouldn't give a shit.

Quote of the day.
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." -Elwyn Brooks White

Happy Birthday-Springbreak-Wikipedia-Teen Magazines

Today's blog is strictly dedicated to the woman I love. She's a small caucasian woman with a wonderful voice and she is my biggest inspiration in life. Her name is Stefani and today is her 24 birthday,today is the day she was born to two loving parents named Joseph and Cythia Germanotta. But you can only wonder if they are as thankful for her as I am.

Happy Birthday Gaga, love you and your birth is probably the second most important day of my life, my birth being the first because if I wasn't alive I wouldn't be able to listen to your music or be you biggest fan. (No not as in big like fat, big as in super love for Gaga, I only weigh 140. God that's alot :(. JK Love you , Love you LOVE YOU Lady Gaga.)

Hey guys! I'm really happy today.lol
I get to go back to school tomorrow so I'm so stoked, miss my friends soo much. I'm not gonna lie though Springbreak was pretty fun just because I got to baby sit my sisters kid, hang out with my best friend and read lots of magazines.
Have you ever read Glamour Magazines. No, I love how they have anonymous women ask questions and then they give them those two answers.The good one...then the bad one.

"It's it normal to have vaginal acne?"
"Yes.....unless it's red....then you have a venereal disease."

I bet those girls read it then they're like. Oh Shit. I gotta get a mirror. lol
Like what if they are purple. Did you know diddle is another word for mastubation....thanks wikipedia. Yeah funny things happen when two teenage chicks are in a room with the door locked, near a computer with internet. Nightmares.

Quote of the day.

"What's an appetite?"
"What you would have, if you didn't have a tummy full of ice cream."

-Unleashed